A Big Move: In the Beginning

Here is something I did wrong in our big move. I went to work immediately, for long, long hours. I don't think I left my office before 11:00 pm for the first two weeks. This means that by the time our boxes arrived, I was well into putting out fires in the office, and "settling in" was something that was an after-thought, done late at night or on weekends during naptime. This is one of many reasons why our house never felt like ours.

But as the years have passed, Zach and I have spent a lot of time talking about how we would do "the beginning" differently if given the chance.

You see, in the beginning, everyone knows you just made a big move. They assume (and expect) that you will need to do things related to the logistics of this major life change. There is grace for leaving the office early or coming in late. But after about 6 months, even though we still felt like we were in the early stages of moving and there was still a lot to do, everyone else seemed to have forgotten, and assumed that all our settling was done.

So. If we could do our big move over again, here is what we would recommend doing in the beginning (ie: within the first 6 months or so):

• Establish your health professionals network immediately. Find a primary heath physician and do your new patient appointment (to this day, Zach and I still haven't done ours here, which is absurd). Choose a dentist, and a pediatrician, an ob (especially important, as I learned, if you end up having a baby in your new place) and have all your previous records transferred over. Also important- Zach has a chronic health condition that requires specialists, and I felt like our move here really set back his health because it took us awhile (a year- cringe) to do the research to find a really talented expert to help him. Now don't get me wrong- this is a huge pain. But it is much easier to explain to your new boss that you have your new patient appointment and need to leave early the first few months than it would be for me now, three years in, when, as far as my boss is concerned, I am practically a local.
• Handle your cars. We waited until all our Oregon car "stuff" (licenses, license plates, registrations) expired to handle it, meaning that over the course of the first two years here, every few months we had these moments of panic: "My driver's license expires tomorrow!" or "We need to take the car for its smog check RIGHT NOW!". Do yourself a favor and just do it when you arrive.
• Go to your new city's Town (or City) Office (or Hall) and find out all the licenses, fees, and expectations. Being clear here that you moved from far away will help. Example: our city here in Massachusetts has a fee for each car you own. We had no idea. Didn't pay it. And only found out when collections called us (over a $20 ticket!). In the craziness of moving, $20 bills from the city for your car can slip through the cracks. Also, this is a way you can learn city expectations. For example, having never lived in snow, we did not know that shoveling the (city-owned) sidewalk in front of our house was required within 24 hours of snowfall or face a ticket. We found out the hard way when a police officer came by our house and told us we would be issued a fine. He took pity on us when we explained we had moved from the West Coast and it was our first winter, but you can imagine what would have happened if we had gone to California for Christmas without knowing this law. Turns out that even when you leave the house, you are responsible for getting those sidewalks clear, a logistical annoyance we weren't prepared for.
• Pick one thing to be "yours". Here's what I mean. When I first got here, one of the things I most missed about Oregon (don't laugh) was that in Oregon, it was illegal to pump your own gas. I loved that! I never had to get out of my car in the rain. And here it was so much worse, when you're dressed for work and there's 12 inches of snow, or 90% humidity. So once I found a gas station near my house that had full-service attendants, I decided that it would be *my* gas station. And now I know the attendants and it reminds me of home and I love it. Small convenience, big psychological impact.
• Paint your house. Even if you love all the colors that are already there, paint one room. I speak from experience- your home becomes yours when you put time and care and energy into it. And hang your art. 
• Find the closest Starbucks. And if you move somewhere with lots of snow- find the closest Starbucks with a drive-thru.

I think the beginning really is the hardest part, but what I feel we've found is that the beginning set the entire tone. Had we done a better job of saying "yes, this is our place and we will make a happy life here!", I think all the rest would have been easier. 

A Big Move: Weather

I took this photo from our porch right after I got home from work today- bracing for the big storm hitting the East coast tonight. Isn't it moody? We're preparing ourselves for 20"-24" over the next 24 hours. Work and school has already been canceled, there is a travel ban across the entire state that goes into effect at midnight (literally no travel allowed!), and we're getting robo-calls about things like not using a generator indoors if we lose power. I can't help it- I have a strange sense of anticipation. It's nice to feel cozy and make plans with Tate that involve popcorn, movies and hot cocoa. I am less enthused about the fact that I will actually spend my entire day tomorrow shoveling our driveway.

Which brings me to my first Big Move post- weather. You guys, weather is a game-changer. I had virtually no idea of how much of an impact it has on everything (literally everything) you do until I was in a new climate. So here are some lessons learned:

• Don't fall into the trap of thinking that seasons will be the same. While we were well-prepared for the harsh winters from a mental and emotional standpoint, I think we were not prepared (and therefore shocked) by the differences in spring, summer and fall. We have had to learn how to deal with humidity and insects, new allergies, static cling, and even differences in gardening (trust me, it is much harder to grow a vegetable garden in Massachusetts than Oregon). Although I think most people would expect winter to be the hardest season for us, in many ways, I think it's summer, in large part because we have had to make an adjustment we weren't expecting. Which leads me to...
• Don't have expectations about weather in the first year. Assume you know nothing, and approach every new season with a sense of curiosity. Go to Home Depot, explain you are new to the region, and ask if there is anything important you should know about the upcoming season. Doing this would have saved us a lot of frustration. And don't forget to ask about tools and equipment! We had never heard of a snow-blower or a roof rake before we moved here, and the fact that all snow shovels are not created equal was something we learned the hard way. 
• Similarly, do the same thing at your favorite clothing stores. Before I moved here, I didn't own a pair of slippers. I thought Uggs were something you wore in an ironic way with a pair of shorts a tank top, and a scarf, a la the sorority girls at my SoCal college. I did not know about the importance of wool socks; or silk long underwear; or boots to walk the dog in. 
• Consider your car. For example, I remember sitting in sunny Los Angeles watching commercials about remote start and thinking to myself "What kind of lazy, spoiled person can't even walk outside and turn on their own car?" Ditto about things like heated steering wheels. And then I moved here. And now I realize that these aren't ridiculous luxuries- that these are necessities when it is -15 outside and you have two toddlers and your purse and three lunchboxes and permission slips and and and to get in the car... We bought a new car when we moved here and I wish I had considered some of these things when we did it.
• Buying clothes for a true four-season climate is very expensive. I still haven't been able to invest in a true winter wardrobe, so this means I go through the entire winter feeling sort of drab and not appropriate. Be prepared to buy new clothes that align with your new climate.
• Be ready to feel like an idiot. Case in point- our first winter here, I went out and bought myself a snow scraper/brush for my car. And the first snow day, I proudly used it to dust off my car, then put it in the garage and drove away. IT NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO ME THAT IT MIGHT SNOW WHILE I WAS AT WORK. So I came outside after a full day of work, and my car was covered- literally covered- in about a foot of snow. I had no mittens. And no brush/scraper, since I had left mine in the garage at home. Solution? I wrapped my hands in Tate's diapers (which are conveniently warm and waterproof) and used my diapered hands to scrape off my car. In my work parking lot. And you know what? I survived.

Sometimes I think I was SUCH an idiot not to know these kinds of things, but then I think about the fact that I was never exposed to any of it, and you really can't know what you don't know. You know?

Which, in any case, is probably the most important Big Move lesson of all. Places are different. Weather is different. You are an explorer in a new country. And that's ok. 

A Big Move: Introducing the Series

By Janelle. Photo by Jill.

I've been thinking a lot about how hard our move was and how much I wish I had known before embarking on it. Don't get me wrong- the move was the right decision. But I was (and frankly, continue to be) amazed at how many things would feel hard, and how long it would take us to adjust. I believe that there were some things that, if I had known them before the Big Move, would have helped us feel settled much more quickly.

As I reflected on this, I realized how many amazing women in my life have gone through big moves of their own. And that collectively, we have some amazing knowledge about what it takes to make a big move happen- from the logistics (seriously, how does one move a 130 lb. dog across the country?!) to tips on how to make friends, and decorate your space, and find a place of peace and contentment while you're wondering if you did the right thing.

So I am excited to introduce what I hope will become a weekly series here at O Chickadee, all circling around the themes of big moves (whatever that means). I'll be taking on the first few (I have a lot of thoughts on this topic) but I am hopeful that over time, this series will also become a space for other women to share how they've made big moves work. 

Fingers crossed that over time, all the "lessons learned" will help make someone else's future Big Move that much easier.