The whirlwind of something new has such a way of carrying us, doesn't it? All the build-up to the move was so exciting, such a flurry. But then we got here, and we got here in November. I still remember the first night- none of our belongings had arrived yet, there had just been what I now know was an epic October snowstorm (but which, at the time, I assumed was normal for the East coast), and Zach, Tate and I sat in a cold, dark, empty living room with no food, blankets or beds. And a kind neighbor, knowing we had just moved in, brought us over a rotisserie chicken and some mashed potatoes. And because we didn't have any silverware, we made do- using our credit cards to scoop little bites of mashed potatoes into Tate's mouth, like feeding a hungry little bird.
This so reflects how I feel this entire transition has been. Moments of incredibly uncertainty and loneliness and darkness, momentarily illuminated by moments of kindness.
Only now am I beginning to feel like myself again, which is why I felt like now was a good time to get back to this again. To sharing our lives through O Chickadee, and to finding beautiful things, and looking around at my life through the lens of appreciation and gratefulness that I think I lost for the past few years as I struggled to just tread water. I don't know that I was capable of that before now- I felt too sad for all we had lost, all I naively thought we had left behind. But now, it feels like I'm coming out of a fog, and able to realize that here, I had what I needed most all along. My boys.
|drawn by Tate, December 2014. In his own words: "this is our whole family at the beach, and Daddy is helping me dig a hole in the sand."|
P.S. I wrote this post 3 days ago. Three days! And I haven't been able to push "publish". It feels so real then, doesn't it?
Doesn't the Audrey Hepburn print pictured above make you happy? Me too. The moment I saw it I knew I had to have it. It's available here and is even prettier in person.